digital overwhelm
i’m finding myself, once again, experiencing one of those days where i just want to crawl under a rock and stay there for a little while. those days have become more and more frequent, and usually all of them are triggered by one specific thing: social media.
over the past few months, i have gotten more sensitive to social media than i have ever been before. it happened almost overnight. one could argue the reason for this being the tick bite i got last year, and having had severe brain fog, headaches and overwhelm since then, but i do believe there to be a deeper reason, something that started way earlier.
i had an internet free childhood up until the age of 11, but even after getting my first phone, i used it to make music videos with my friends, text my in-real-life peers and play a few silly games. i didn’t struggle with my phone usage until 13-14, when i ended up watching youtube videos for hours and hours. but things didn’t really get out of hand until i started being active on social media, specifically instagram at the age of 15.
social media has given me so much, so i often feel guilty for having such a complicated relationship with it. social media has given me so many of my closest friends, some unbelievable experiences, a platform to share my art with the world, opportunities to connect and get recognized, openings to travel, new wisdom and knowledge. on the other hand, instagram has disrupted so much in my life as well. social media has invited new insecurities in my life, altered my brain, messed with my attention span and still continuously fights to do so every day, it has generated more anxiety, fear, stress and scattered feelings in my day-to-day life.
using social media, for me, is the equivalent of being in a toxic relationship.
luckily, i’ve never been in one, but i can only imagine it feeling something like this. of course things can’t always be good, right? of course social media isn’t all bad. it is all about how we use it…right?
but how do we navigate a healthy relationship, enjoying all the beautiful opportunities it gives us, when at the same time, the other end in this relationship does not want the best for us, at all.
How do we navigate a relationship where the other side manipulates us to come back, messes with our feelings, overwhelms us and causes anxiety, fear and stress? Do we ignore the negatives and focus on the positives? Do we look at the scale and see if the positives or negatives outweigh the other?
Or do we leave the toxic relationship all together?
But then, again, how do we leave a relationship when the whole world makes it unbelievably difficult to do so. When the positives are still so prevelant and attractive. When the other side tries everything to pull you back in and even making you feel like you’re missing out.
For the past few months i have found myself in this dilemma. But the root finds itself way deeper than just having had an epiphany months ago. Ever since i started using social media, at the age of 13, i found myself looking at it all through a very discerning lens. I always knew something felt off, i always knew we most likely weren’t meant to live life like this, to be this sucked in, so unbelievably connected to these devices and platforms. Ironically, i was also always the person using social media the most, in school, in my friendgroups and my family.
At the moment, i am big on listening to my intuition, listening to my emotions and that slight constricting or expanding feeling in my gut or chest. My intuition has been telling me to get off these apps for a long time now, but i find myself struggling to listen and to go through with it.
Leaving social media would mean so much more freedom, inner peace, more peace of mind and more joy in my life.
Leaving social media would also mean….
Stay with me here, something interesting happened while writing. As i started typing out the sentence above, nothing came to mind. I started typing and deleting, not one thing being entirely accurate. I wanted to write less connection, but that wouldn’t have been true. I wanted to write less opportunities, but is that a fact?
Maybe leaving or stepping away from social media wouldn’t mean less of anything.
Maybe it would just mean for those things to be different.
More sacred. More intentional. More mindful and more sustainble to the mind and being.
For now, i will continue listening to my intuition, although i am not yet comfortable to fully leap into the unknown, i take small steps and trust that i am always led in the right direction. I trust my guides, the universe and my higher self more than anything else in the world. Their guidance and their signs are never faulty.
